When we discuss the development of children, we must first look at the child’s plane of development. Dr. Montessori coined this phrase when she saw that children of particular ages shared certain focus, direction, and tendencies, emotionally, socially, intellectually and morally. She observed three major shifts in children’s thinking as they aged and was able to identify three planes of development from birth to adolescence.
The First Plane of Development
Characteristically, children from birth to age six, roughly, fall into the first plane of development. Considering that intelligence is what distinguishes the human species, the most important act of human development becomes the creation of intelligence and the creation of self. In these first years, children develop their own unique intelligence and understanding of self. Through an exchange between environment and a child’s tendencies, the child explores, learns to reason, learns to imagine, and learns to create. Here, we find the formation of the personality. The first six years of life are marked by tremendous physical and psychological growth, exploration and development. This is the period of infancy, an unconscious period of development. Physically, the body develops from head to toe. Children at this age are concrete thinkers. Emotionally, he/she needs love and acceptance, respect and understanding, warmth and protection. The child also has a need for security, order, as much freedom and independence as he/she can handle, and social relationships. At this point, children are laying the foundational blocks for later development.
The First Three Years (the unconscious absorbent mind)
From the moment of birth, the infant ’s first “work” is that of personality formation or individuation. The personality is developed only by means of social relationships and experiences. Individuation takes place within a social context and is the first step toward social development. The baby’s first social environment is the mother (or some primary care giver). Maternal care is absolutely necessary not only for the child to survive physically but also to provide the mother-infant bond, which contains within it the possibility of all future social life. A positive relationship with the primary care giver gives the child the ability to develop trust and secure attachment. Infants are born with drives that urge them to relate to others and designed so that others can relate to them. The first impulses to root and suck, to grasp and smile, to gaze and cuddle in the mother’s arms, are precisely those needed to establish and maintain closeness.
As children become toddlers, social development is mostly focused on the relationship with primary care givers and may extend to other caregivers. Children at this age may notice other children, begin to engage with strangers (say hello), but it is usually from the security of their primary care base. Social learning is focused on the environment. Here is the information needed for the acquisition of spoken language, modes of behavior, and patterns of the culture. Customs, social attitudes and values, cultural habits, and ethnic idiosyncrasies all act to form the shape of the evolving personality. In the period of infancy, the mind takes in such impressions “like a sponge” (Montessori, Reconstruction, p.11).
While children are learning about the environment, they are still focused on themselves and their own experiences. Children at this age are only at the beginning of the development of empathy and can rarely think outside the self. They learn about emotions in context of their own emotions. Children at this stage do not often share naturally (and may not be able to share) or consider the group as a whole. They are focused solely on themselves and comfort from caregivers. They interact with each other out of fascination and interest, but rarely evolve beyond parallel play (working along side each other rather than together). As some children get closer to three, we begin to see the seeds of empathy and more interactive play.
Children at this age do not have a concrete understanding of morality. For most, the seeds have been laid, and they have an inherent sense of right/wrong and justice, but they have no conscious understanding of this or how to apply it. Everyone knows young children are innocent, naïve, and gullible: Small children, Montessori said, will accept and believe anything (Discovery of the Child, p. 298). They blindly understand a behavior as “naughty” if it causes them to be scolded or punished. They have no moral conscience in the sense of being able to distinguish between good and evil. Nor do they have interest in such issues because they are “too immature” (298) to “understand or assimilate ” abstract notions such as “right” and “wrong.” But, if the environment is warm and safe, however, and if adults deal “sweetly and kindly ” with them (Montessori, Discovery of the Child, p. 298), even the tiniest babies can develop a feeling for what is good. They may begin to understand what is right and wrong as it is demonstrated to them, but they may not yet understand how to deal a situation in which another is “wrong.” For example, most toddlers know that having something taken from them is wrong, but they do not know how to handle it appropriately (instead, either hitting in response or bursting into tears). Appropriate responses will be learned through adult guidance and be available to the children once they have gained control over their bodies.
How to support the toddler’s social development:
Do not force sharing. Rather, prepare the environment so that every object has a specific place. Direct children to return objects to their places and let the other child know they may use that object once it has been returned.
Provide children with opportunities to socialize, but be understanding of their desire to remain closer to their caregiver.
Engage yourself in a play-oriented activity, modeling play for a group or pair of children.
Model grace and courtesy. Demonstrate the social courtesies of life, such as how to greet a person, how to say “please” and “thank you,” how to cover your mouth when you sneeze or blow your nose, etc.
Give children emotional vocabulary. Talk about your child’s emotions or your own emotions when experiencing them. Point out other children’s emotions when you see them (“that child feels sad, he is crying;” “that child is happy, he is laughing,” etc.).
Encourage conflict resolution through demonstration. Children at this age have limited vocabulary, so they cannot talk things out. Instead, outline their emotions for them so that they can understand what took place (“Johnny is sad because you took his toy, he would be happy if you gave it back;” “David was excited and took your toy, but that made you sad, would you like to ask him to give it back?”)
Give children language for dealing with the problem, should it arise again (“if David takes your toy, tell him “no!”).
Stay out of conflicts if they are resolving without violence. Sometimes children can navigate social conflicts and need to be left alone to do so. Take a step back and see if they are working it out or moving on from it before deciding if you need to intervene.
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