Social Development: Making Friends

During the toddler age, friendships develop in a more parallel manner than directly.  Children at this age may be drawn to certain children, but play occurs more “side by side.”  Children at this age are less concerned with who wants to play with them, so much as they want to join in the activity.  For example, you may see a group of older children running around a field.  The toddler, wishing to join, runs around the field along side them.  The older children may pay no attention to the toddler, ignoring his very existence, but the toddler does not notice; the toddler is in parallel play, running along side, and in his mind he is completely part of the action.

As children come to the primary age, approaching three years and onward, they begin to play more directly and become more aware of each other.  Temperament can play a large role in how the child goes about developing relationships.  Some children are bold and charismatic while others are shy and quiet.  Some children have many friends while others nurture one special relationship.  Children are just at the beginning of this process and it can take some children longer to navigate the waters than others.

Ways to support your child’s development of peer relationships:

Offer opportunities for play and socializing.  Some ideas include: having friends over for play dates or lunch, participating in a carpool, group activities (such as art, drama, dance, music, or sports).

Give children unstructured play time.

Include your child when talking to people out of his normal range of peers. Take him to visit a neighbor, or bring him along to the dry cleaner.  The more exposure he has interacting with all kinds of people, the more he will learn to do the same.

Provide Grace and Courtesy lessons on how to approach a friend, join in play, or start a conversation.  These lessons can happen in the family and then your child can try them out on the playground.  Show your child how to be a good friend and make friends. The best way is to model the behavior you would like to see.

Provide emotional support to your child by listening to her stories about peers.  Try to develop relationships with her friend’s parents.

If your child has a hard time making friends, empathize with your child, but keep it in perspective. Making friends is a lifelong process and will of course have its ups and downs.  Be confident in your child and never share or show any anxiety you may feel about your child’s social relationships.

Help your child realize his own strengths.

Have a sense of humor about yourself and your shortcomings.

Listen to your child without criticism.

Model: be kind, give compliments, wave to friends, open the door for someone.

Be understanding of what others are going through by showing empathy.