The term will is often used with children. Children can be described as willful or manipulative. They can be classified as disobedient, and this is usually considered a direct result of their will or willful nature. Children make choices that adults deem unacceptable and, traditionally, are considered to be trying to control situations or get their own way. But, in the Montessori Philosophy, we strongly believe otherwise. It is the development of the will that creates obedience and self-control, and any other behaviors are a direct result of having not yet developed a will.
A child who exhibits impulsive behaviors and/or has difficulty following rules or directions is an example of a child who does not have a strongly developed will (control over one's emotions and actions). This child has little control over himself and difficulty following rules or directions, overwhelmed by interest and curiosity (consider the toddler). The child’s ability to develop the will and gain control over his own body is what is called self-discipline. Self-discipline ultimately leads to the ability to obey directions or rules and make appropriate decisions. Traditional philosophy on parenting and educating often believes that external control (via punishment or incentive) by the adult is what encourages children to obey and become disciplined. However, Dr. Montessori discovered that it was quite the opposite. It was the removal of the adult’s will that allowed children to follow and learn from their own actions, ultimately developing self-discipline. Instead, the adult’s role is to design the environment so that the child can operate within that environment safely and acceptably in order to develop this. What the child needs, Dr. Montessori found, is the ability to act in order to develop control; the child needs independence and freedom (within appropriate limits) to explore physical control. Self-discipline is far more beneficial and essential to the concept of obedience of social and safety rules, as it is derived from the child regardless of adult interaction. It ultimately leads to proper moral development and internal discipline as the child turns into the adult.
How can we help the child to develop the will in order to gain control over himself in order to develop obedience and make consciously appropriate choices? In the following ways, the adult may design it such that the child learns from his own choices and actions, developing self-discipline, rather than the external discipline the adult’s command:
Giving children access to daily living activities. Participation in the activities of life allows children to develop control over their bodies and their minds. Fine and gross motor control gives them the ability to control their bodies with their minds, thus allowing them to complete appropriate actions. Working with these activities ultimately creates concentration. A child having a difficult time with behavior or engaging himself appropriately may simply need a meaningful task (particularly on that allows him to participate with parent or family or gives him ownership in the environment) to absorb himself into.
Protect concentration. Concentration (developed through continued interest and exploration of an activity) leads to perseverance. Perseverance ultimately allows a child to overcome obstacles, make decisions when challenged, and work towards a goal despite difficulty. This directly leads to creating self-discipline (and future moral development) such that the child will make choices consciously. To protect concentration, try not to interrupt a child who is working intently on something acceptable and purposeful (even with a tap), unless absolutely necessary. If you would like to join in the activity, observe and follow the flow to jump right in rather than stop the child and have them explain.
Encourage children to follow their interests. Letting children make choices about activities that interest them can allow them to follow their internal guidelines and helps develop inner control. If children are drawn to something unsafe or unacceptable, utilize their interests to draw them into something alternative that is safe and acceptable.
Give children liberty within limits. Giving children choices allows them to make free decisions. However, children are not able to know what is best at all times, so the adult may give the child choices amongst options the adult decides. We call this "freedom within limits;" it is freedom of choice within previously adult-set boundaries. For example, instead of choosing what your child wears, give him a choice between two or three outfits you have picked out (this way you make certain the clothing is appropriate for the weather or situation, but your child still has a degree of choice and control over his surroundings). If your child chooses something that is not acceptable (whether it be a behavior or otherwise), offer alternatives that are acceptable and let him choose from those.
Think consequence rather than punishment. Let children discover the consequence of a specific action, rather than give them an arbitrary punishment unrelated to the behavior (i.e. timeouts). Allow natural consequences to happen or design logical consequences (consequences related to the specific action) that let children see the results of their choices. Follow through with consequences consistently so that same relationship between action and consequence is always made.
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