When raising children, the necessity of providing for, loving, and keeping children safe is always coupled with the necessity of modeling and teaching character, self-control, and acceptable behavior. Discipline is what helps children construct themselves into conscientious citizens of the world. Positive and effective discipline is based on the concept of consequence. A consequence is the negative or positive outcome of a person’s actions. Consequences naturally drive human behavior because humans will always strive for positive outcomes. Just as adults do, children prefer outcomes that work for them. By pointing out or creating consequences, we can persuade children to choose appropriate behaviors.
There are two types of consequences: natural and logical. A natural consequence is one that occurs naturally in life for all people. The natural consequence to not putting your coat on is that you will be cold outside. The natural consequence to dropping something is that it will break. The natural consequence to watering a plant is that it will grow and live. Children begin to examine the relationship between cause and effect from birth. For example, a baby dropping something on the floor may learn that when he lets go of a toy, it falls. Using a natural consequence to modify behavior can be achieved by pointing out the natural consequence to your child and what will prevent it. If he drops something, point out the action which would prevent the item being dropped without judgment and maintaining a calm voice; e.g. “you need to hold the glass with two hands or it will fall.” The consequence has already achieved the lesson, and all you need to do is help your child see the relationship between his action and the outcome. The most important (and most difficult) thing to remember of discipline through natural consequences is that, as a parent, you must allow the natural consequence to happen. For example, if you catch the glass before it hits the ground, your child will not really see the glass drop and will not understand that he needs to control his body to prevent things from breaking. The same is true if your child refuses to put his coat on. The natural consequence is that he will be cold outside. However, if you give him your jacket, there is no natural consequence. Letting your children learn cause and effect is an important part of teaching them self control and how to make good choices.
On the other hand, not all actions can be allowed to reach their natural consequence, some actions do not have a consequence that is immediately obvious, and some actions don’t even have a natural consequence. For example, if your child runs out in the street, the natural consequence is that he or she would get hit by a car. Obviously, this is a consequence to prevent. You may first try to explain to your child the rule of not running into the street and let them be aware of what the natural consequence would be. Some children are able to follow rules without learning from the experience. Not all children have this temperament, though. If your child breaks the rule, then you must create a logical consequence: “if you run out into the street then you must go back inside,” or “If you run into the street you must always hold my hand near the street and cannot be on your own.” Point out the reason for the consequence; your child is being unsafe and it is unacceptable to be unsafe. It is important to tie a consequence back to the behavior you are trying to achieve (safety, in this circumstance).
Logical consequences refer to consequences that are made by another person and do not occur naturally from the action. This does not mean punishment. Instead it creates a negative outcome related to the action. The use of logical consequences is aimed at creating discipline by influencing your child’s actions. The goal of discipline and parenting is to create confidence and teach our children life skills. Experience is an important part of this process, children need to make mistakes and learn from them. Logical consequences allow us to design outcomes that show children that some behaviors are unacceptable or inappropriate when the natural consequence is not obvious or cannot be allowed.
When designing logical consequences:
FOCUS ON THE BEHAVIOR YOU WANT, NOT THE BEHAVIOR YOU SAW. We are not punishing the current behavior but trying to create a behavior. Always have alternative behaviors in mind with which you are asking your child to replace the behavior you have deemed “unacceptable;” e.g. you want your child to walk not run, you want your child to use their words or get you instead of hit, or you want your child to use a quiet voice instead of scream.
THINK OPPORTUNITY, RESPONSIBILITY, CONSEQUENCE. If a child has an opportunity and is not responsible with it, then the consequence is to lose the opportunity. For example, if your child has the opportunity to play with his toys and refuses to put them away, then you may create a consequence related to the toys. Perhaps you decide that your child cannot play with their toys for the rest of the day, or that they cannot do anything else until they comply with the appropriate behavior. Keep in mind that you want to set it up so that children can earn the responsibility back, they can try again later or they can earn it back by showing responsibility with another task you assign them.
DESIGN CONSEQUENCES THAT YOU CAN FOLLOW THROUGH WITH. Do not make empty threats or fail to follow through with your stated consequence or your child will not feel the consequence. Not all consequences are easy to follow through on, so only choose ones that you know you can actually make happen. Children listen more quickly to adults they know will follow through with a consequence, meaning adults who ALWAYS follow through. If they know you mean what you say and you will do it, they will listen.
THINK ABOUT THE PROBLEM. Designing consequences is not so much about the consequence as it is about finding a solution. Children often make behavioral mistakes because they are unaware of the alternatives. We need to think about how to make them aware of these alternatives and that the alternative is a better choice for everyone. For example, if your child hits, it is likely that they do not have the language to deal with a problem that is presented. Children may hit because another child took something away, because they are angry, or because they simply wanted another child to move out of their space. Often times if we help children identify the problem with us and give them the language to use (“please move,” “this is my space,” “I didn’t like that you did that,” “give that back to me”), we help our children gain confidence and problem solving skills. Tell your child that from now on, in that situation, they need to come find you if their words don’t work. Let them know that the consequence for solving a problem with hitting is that they may be removed from the play area or they must play next to an adult (limit the freedom of their play) because no one is allowed to be unsafe.
CONSIDER THE ENVIRONMENT. If your child has a hard time following through with something, consider the environment around him and what may need to be changed. If he consistently doesn’t want to brush his teeth, why? If he can’t avoid the road in the front yard, should he be playing somewhere else? Is his bed time too early or too late? Does your child need a more consistent routine? Think of ways to prevent conflict from happening and then consequences may be unneccesary.
INVOLVE YOUR CHILD. Having children help you design the consequence helps them with problem solving skills and gives them a greater understanding of their behaviors. Children are also much more likely to follow through with consequences they themselves design. When involving children, present the behavior that is unacceptable and ask them what they think the consequence should be.
For example: Your child is running in the house.
If you run in the house, what problems might happen? (child may respond: I will knock something over and it breaks or I will fall)
What do you think we can do so those problems don’t happen? (child may respond: walk in the house, run outside)
What do you think should happen if you choose not to walk in the house? (some options: I have to sit down until I am ready to stop running or I must play in the basement or my room. If they cannot think of one, give them a choice between a few consequences that you have thought up).
Remember, your child does not always have to have a choice. Some behaviors are so inappropriate that the consequence needs to be more immediate, such as running into the street or hitting. However, if you are finding your child ignoring the rule you have made despite consequences, involving them may be the best way to get them to understand.
THINK AHEAD. If you know that you and your child are about to enter a situation that he or she might misbehave during, point out what behaviors you expect to see ahead of time. Children need reminders of what behavior is expected. Help them think about the rules before they even have a chance to break them. This is another chance to involve them, ask them to think of the rules and tell you what they are. Remember to be willing to follow through on the consequence you assign once they break the rules. For example, if you and your child go to the store and the consequence for breaking the rules is to leave the store, be willing to leave no matter what, even if you already have your cart full.
BE EMPATHETIC. Children do not need to feel bad during consequences. Expressing that you understand your child is sad and showing them that you understand the consequence is hard can help them make the connection between cause and effect without making them feel bad about themselves. This does not mean stop the consequence, however. If your child is sitting separately to calm themselves down, give him a glass of water. If your child has lost the opportunity to play with his toys for the rest of the day, help him find something else to do. We want children to understand that unacceptable behaviors have hard consequences, but we have faith in them that they can learn to make better choices.
THIS IS NOT PUNISHMENT. Punishment is about power and authority, consequence is about social order and making appropriate choices for society. Punishment is not related to the situation, while logical consequences outline cause and effect related to the behavior. Punishment is judgmental, logical consequences do not imply bad or good but simply what is acceptable and what is not. Punishment focuses on the past behavior, logical consequences focus on the future desired behavior. Punishment is threatening and angry, logical consequences are about parents teaching their children appropriate behavior. Punishment is about obedience, logical consequences are about choices. Anger, warnings, threats, and reminders can turn a consequence into punishment. Instead, remind children of acceptable behaviors, and design reasonable consequences if they choose unacceptable behaviors.
KEEP YOUR OWN FRUSTRATION LEVEL DOWN. If you cannot think of a consequence, slow down or stop any reacting. If you can’t come up with anything, say nothing. Sometimes merely removing your child from the situation or taking their hand in immediate situations can give you enough time to think it through, often times removal is a consequence. If you stop the behavior physically (but gently) this time, you can take your time thinking of a consequence for next time, or you can work with your child to design one. This is particularly helpful if your child is throwing a tantrum, sometimes just getting up and going and giving both of you time to calm down will make the situation clearer. Don’t feel bad about yourself as a parent, these skills are learned and do not come naturally. Take your time with it.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Setting Limits: Creating Positive Authority
As children develop, they become aware of (although do not fully understand) the concept of authority. By authority, we mean the ability to direct actions and make decisions. With this awareness comes two simple questions: who has the authority and what do they have authority over?
Many of us were raised under the notion that parents have full authority by right (the old "do what I say because I said it" philosophy). However, as laws and views on child rearing change, it becomes more apparent that this authority should be based on good intentions with a child’s best interests in mind. The concept shifts from unwielding authority to authoritative guidance. A child has no idea what his or her best interests are, as they have little understanding of the world. Inherently, both parent and child know that the parent, the owner of the information and abilities in navigating the world, is the only one with the ability to properly guide actions. But, equally important to the child is that as the child gains access to this knowledge, authority begins to transfer over time, trickling down slowly, such that children have more say over their actions and eventually become adults who hold their own authority.
The important thing to note here is that children WANT parental authority as much as they need it. In a world where they do not know what is safe or unsafe, possible or impossible, children need to know what the limitations are (and what they aren't). They need to know where the boundaries are drawn. Clear and consistent limitations create these boundaries. As children grow older and become more competent, those boundary lines need to move further out, giving children more choices and more opportunities to gain knowledge and personal authority. But always, they still need to know where existing boundaries lie. Here are a few guidelines on creating limitations to outline which actions or decisions are acceptable for your child and which actions or decisions are not acceptable.
AUTHORITY SHOULD BE POSITIVE. It is important to remember that authority does not imply authoritarian. We are not looking for blind compliance. Limitations should be set with confidence: confidence that your child can be successful and confidence in knowing what is best for your child. Feel free to make your child aware of your reasons (without lecturing). For example, it is okay to say, “you need to brush your teeth or they will be damaged and hurt.” Or, “it is important for our bodies to sleep and children need more sleep than grown-ups.” Explanations should not sound like reasoning, however. They should remain simple and matter of fact.
BE SPECIFIC AND DON’T ARGUE. Your child should know exactly what behavior is acceptable and what behavior is not acceptable. Phrases like “stop it,” “stop misbehaving,” “behave,” and “you know better” fail to outline a limitation and, instead, sound more like frustrated nagging and confusing directions. The concept of behaving is very broad and abstract to a child, and specific instructions like “use a quiet voice” or “walk with slow feet” are much easier for children to follow. With extremely young children, it can help to break down actions for them. For example, if your child has a habit of walking away when you are trying to address them, ask him or her to “stop, freeze, don’t move.” Then give the command “please walk back to me.” Follow that up with the command of “please listen.” Do not argue or negotiate things that a child may not change; some behaviors are simply unacceptable and not negotiable.
CHOICES ARE IMPORTANT. Children are compelled to develop their own will (self-control) and interests. The slow transfer of authority comes in the granting of choices, giving the child what Montessori called “freedom within limits.” This controlled freedom satisfies both parties’ needs in the power struggle for self governance. For example, if your child doesn't have a choice in taking a bath, he might have a choice on which bathroom, what toys he uses, or which order in which he washes his body. If your child does not have a choice in going to bed, she might have a choice over what she sleeps in, what she sleeps with, or which blanket she wants. If your child doesn’t have a choice about getting dressed, he might have a choice over what he wears. Make sure choices aren't overwhelming by only giving two or three options for children to choose from. The younger the child, the fewer the choices (or they may get confused or frustrated).
A TRICK FROM THE CLASSROOM. One of the best tools is the simple phrase, “you can either do it yourself or I can come over there and help you do it.” This phrase, used with a firm tone, suggests that you will allow your child to make the choice and come on his own, but if not, you will come over to her and help her come to you (or help your child do what needs to be done). More often then not, children want to do things themselves and they will make that choice. If you end up assisting, then the child understands that you mean what you say and you are consistent. And, sometimes, children just needs assistance. They might be more willing to follow through on an action (like cleaning something up) if they are offered some help.
YOUR TONE MATTERS. If you give a direction that has a question mark on the end of it…it will not set a limitation. If your tone is weak, you may sound as though you do not mean what you say and your child may not know if you mean it. If your tone is angry, your child will become frightened and not understand your intentions. Your tone should be firm but calm: you will not be changing your mind, but it is with good reason.
OFFER ALTERNATIVES. While you have made a limitation, and that limitation may make your child sad, feel free to come up with an idea that will make both of you happy. Alternatives are a great way to avoid power struggles, and make you and your child feel like you are on the same team. Perhaps your child may not have dessert before dinner, but you could both think together about what you would like after dinner. Perhaps your child cannot watch television, but you can think of games to play or go for a walk outside. If you find your child doing something they should not be doing, set the limitation, but then help them think of things they can be doing.
BE CALM. Anger is the adult's worst enemy. It can make reactions more harsh than necessary, scare scare your child, and make your child treat others with anger. Step back and take a moment to breathe. Act rationally and only once you are calm (it's okay to walk away until you have calmed down, or ask another adult to handle the situation if need be). Rather than saying something hurtful or in frustration, you can then compose your words more positively, like “what happened?” "is that allowed?" or “what should we do now?”
BE CONSISTENT. When you set a limitation, it must always be the same. If it changes from day to day, or by situation, then it does not exist in the child's mind and confuses them. Children push limitations that are not consistent because they become uncertain that they are there.
SET REASONABLE AND AGE-APPROPRIATE LIMITS. Let children do things they are capable of, and afford them the ability to make mistakes. At the same time, consider what your child is capable of. For example, if your child has a hard time sitting still, expecting them to do so or be quiet for an extended period of time may be impossible. Likewise, forbidding your child to have an accident or insisting they finish all the food on their plate may be asking them to do more than they are capable of. If you can tell that they are likely to fail at the behavior, then you need to change your expectations and your approach.
DISAPPROVE OF THE BEHAVIOR NOT THE CHILD. Let your child know that you believe that they can follow through. Make your child aware of the limits beforehand (particularly in a situation you know that rules are likely to be broken) to help them remember (tell them you are reminding them to help them be successful). Making a child aware of a limitation does not mean that we have to make them feel bad about breaking a rule; we can still make them aware that we understand that they are still learning while still setting the limitation.
CHANGE LIMITS AS YOUR CHILD GROWS. Allow your child more freedom and opportunities as they age and show that they can be successful.
CATCH YOUR CHILD DOING IT RIGHT. Point out when your child follows the rules and tell them that they should be proud of themselves and you knew they could do it!
Many of us were raised under the notion that parents have full authority by right (the old "do what I say because I said it" philosophy). However, as laws and views on child rearing change, it becomes more apparent that this authority should be based on good intentions with a child’s best interests in mind. The concept shifts from unwielding authority to authoritative guidance. A child has no idea what his or her best interests are, as they have little understanding of the world. Inherently, both parent and child know that the parent, the owner of the information and abilities in navigating the world, is the only one with the ability to properly guide actions. But, equally important to the child is that as the child gains access to this knowledge, authority begins to transfer over time, trickling down slowly, such that children have more say over their actions and eventually become adults who hold their own authority.
The important thing to note here is that children WANT parental authority as much as they need it. In a world where they do not know what is safe or unsafe, possible or impossible, children need to know what the limitations are (and what they aren't). They need to know where the boundaries are drawn. Clear and consistent limitations create these boundaries. As children grow older and become more competent, those boundary lines need to move further out, giving children more choices and more opportunities to gain knowledge and personal authority. But always, they still need to know where existing boundaries lie. Here are a few guidelines on creating limitations to outline which actions or decisions are acceptable for your child and which actions or decisions are not acceptable.
AUTHORITY SHOULD BE POSITIVE. It is important to remember that authority does not imply authoritarian. We are not looking for blind compliance. Limitations should be set with confidence: confidence that your child can be successful and confidence in knowing what is best for your child. Feel free to make your child aware of your reasons (without lecturing). For example, it is okay to say, “you need to brush your teeth or they will be damaged and hurt.” Or, “it is important for our bodies to sleep and children need more sleep than grown-ups.” Explanations should not sound like reasoning, however. They should remain simple and matter of fact.
BE SPECIFIC AND DON’T ARGUE. Your child should know exactly what behavior is acceptable and what behavior is not acceptable. Phrases like “stop it,” “stop misbehaving,” “behave,” and “you know better” fail to outline a limitation and, instead, sound more like frustrated nagging and confusing directions. The concept of behaving is very broad and abstract to a child, and specific instructions like “use a quiet voice” or “walk with slow feet” are much easier for children to follow. With extremely young children, it can help to break down actions for them. For example, if your child has a habit of walking away when you are trying to address them, ask him or her to “stop, freeze, don’t move.” Then give the command “please walk back to me.” Follow that up with the command of “please listen.” Do not argue or negotiate things that a child may not change; some behaviors are simply unacceptable and not negotiable.
CHOICES ARE IMPORTANT. Children are compelled to develop their own will (self-control) and interests. The slow transfer of authority comes in the granting of choices, giving the child what Montessori called “freedom within limits.” This controlled freedom satisfies both parties’ needs in the power struggle for self governance. For example, if your child doesn't have a choice in taking a bath, he might have a choice on which bathroom, what toys he uses, or which order in which he washes his body. If your child does not have a choice in going to bed, she might have a choice over what she sleeps in, what she sleeps with, or which blanket she wants. If your child doesn’t have a choice about getting dressed, he might have a choice over what he wears. Make sure choices aren't overwhelming by only giving two or three options for children to choose from. The younger the child, the fewer the choices (or they may get confused or frustrated).
A TRICK FROM THE CLASSROOM. One of the best tools is the simple phrase, “you can either do it yourself or I can come over there and help you do it.” This phrase, used with a firm tone, suggests that you will allow your child to make the choice and come on his own, but if not, you will come over to her and help her come to you (or help your child do what needs to be done). More often then not, children want to do things themselves and they will make that choice. If you end up assisting, then the child understands that you mean what you say and you are consistent. And, sometimes, children just needs assistance. They might be more willing to follow through on an action (like cleaning something up) if they are offered some help.
YOUR TONE MATTERS. If you give a direction that has a question mark on the end of it…it will not set a limitation. If your tone is weak, you may sound as though you do not mean what you say and your child may not know if you mean it. If your tone is angry, your child will become frightened and not understand your intentions. Your tone should be firm but calm: you will not be changing your mind, but it is with good reason.
OFFER ALTERNATIVES. While you have made a limitation, and that limitation may make your child sad, feel free to come up with an idea that will make both of you happy. Alternatives are a great way to avoid power struggles, and make you and your child feel like you are on the same team. Perhaps your child may not have dessert before dinner, but you could both think together about what you would like after dinner. Perhaps your child cannot watch television, but you can think of games to play or go for a walk outside. If you find your child doing something they should not be doing, set the limitation, but then help them think of things they can be doing.
BE CALM. Anger is the adult's worst enemy. It can make reactions more harsh than necessary, scare scare your child, and make your child treat others with anger. Step back and take a moment to breathe. Act rationally and only once you are calm (it's okay to walk away until you have calmed down, or ask another adult to handle the situation if need be). Rather than saying something hurtful or in frustration, you can then compose your words more positively, like “what happened?” "is that allowed?" or “what should we do now?”
BE CONSISTENT. When you set a limitation, it must always be the same. If it changes from day to day, or by situation, then it does not exist in the child's mind and confuses them. Children push limitations that are not consistent because they become uncertain that they are there.
SET REASONABLE AND AGE-APPROPRIATE LIMITS. Let children do things they are capable of, and afford them the ability to make mistakes. At the same time, consider what your child is capable of. For example, if your child has a hard time sitting still, expecting them to do so or be quiet for an extended period of time may be impossible. Likewise, forbidding your child to have an accident or insisting they finish all the food on their plate may be asking them to do more than they are capable of. If you can tell that they are likely to fail at the behavior, then you need to change your expectations and your approach.
DISAPPROVE OF THE BEHAVIOR NOT THE CHILD. Let your child know that you believe that they can follow through. Make your child aware of the limits beforehand (particularly in a situation you know that rules are likely to be broken) to help them remember (tell them you are reminding them to help them be successful). Making a child aware of a limitation does not mean that we have to make them feel bad about breaking a rule; we can still make them aware that we understand that they are still learning while still setting the limitation.
CHANGE LIMITS AS YOUR CHILD GROWS. Allow your child more freedom and opportunities as they age and show that they can be successful.
CATCH YOUR CHILD DOING IT RIGHT. Point out when your child follows the rules and tell them that they should be proud of themselves and you knew they could do it!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Encouraging Self-Discipline and Development of the Will
The term will is often used with children. Children can be described as willful or manipulative. They can be classified as disobedient, and this is usually considered a direct result of their will or willful nature. Children make choices that adults deem unacceptable and, traditionally, are considered to be trying to control situations or get their own way. But, in the Montessori Philosophy, we strongly believe otherwise. It is the development of the will that creates obedience and self-control, and any other behaviors are a direct result of having not yet developed a will.
A child who exhibits impulsive behaviors and/or has difficulty following rules or directions is an example of a child who does not have a strongly developed will (control over one's emotions and actions). This child has little control over himself and difficulty following rules or directions, overwhelmed by interest and curiosity (consider the toddler). The child’s ability to develop the will and gain control over his own body is what is called self-discipline. Self-discipline ultimately leads to the ability to obey directions or rules and make appropriate decisions. Traditional philosophy on parenting and educating often believes that external control (via punishment or incentive) by the adult is what encourages children to obey and become disciplined. However, Dr. Montessori discovered that it was quite the opposite. It was the removal of the adult’s will that allowed children to follow and learn from their own actions, ultimately developing self-discipline. Instead, the adult’s role is to design the environment so that the child can operate within that environment safely and acceptably in order to develop this. What the child needs, Dr. Montessori found, is the ability to act in order to develop control; the child needs independence and freedom (within appropriate limits) to explore physical control. Self-discipline is far more beneficial and essential to the concept of obedience of social and safety rules, as it is derived from the child regardless of adult interaction. It ultimately leads to proper moral development and internal discipline as the child turns into the adult.
How can we help the child to develop the will in order to gain control over himself in order to develop obedience and make consciously appropriate choices? In the following ways, the adult may design it such that the child learns from his own choices and actions, developing self-discipline, rather than the external discipline the adult’s command:
Giving children access to daily living activities. Participation in the activities of life allows children to develop control over their bodies and their minds. Fine and gross motor control gives them the ability to control their bodies with their minds, thus allowing them to complete appropriate actions. Working with these activities ultimately creates concentration. A child having a difficult time with behavior or engaging himself appropriately may simply need a meaningful task (particularly on that allows him to participate with parent or family or gives him ownership in the environment) to absorb himself into.
Protect concentration. Concentration (developed through continued interest and exploration of an activity) leads to perseverance. Perseverance ultimately allows a child to overcome obstacles, make decisions when challenged, and work towards a goal despite difficulty. This directly leads to creating self-discipline (and future moral development) such that the child will make choices consciously. To protect concentration, try not to interrupt a child who is working intently on something acceptable and purposeful (even with a tap), unless absolutely necessary. If you would like to join in the activity, observe and follow the flow to jump right in rather than stop the child and have them explain.
Encourage children to follow their interests. Letting children make choices about activities that interest them can allow them to follow their internal guidelines and helps develop inner control. If children are drawn to something unsafe or unacceptable, utilize their interests to draw them into something alternative that is safe and acceptable.
Give children liberty within limits. Giving children choices allows them to make free decisions. However, children are not able to know what is best at all times, so the adult may give the child choices amongst options the adult decides. We call this "freedom within limits;" it is freedom of choice within previously adult-set boundaries. For example, instead of choosing what your child wears, give him a choice between two or three outfits you have picked out (this way you make certain the clothing is appropriate for the weather or situation, but your child still has a degree of choice and control over his surroundings). If your child chooses something that is not acceptable (whether it be a behavior or otherwise), offer alternatives that are acceptable and let him choose from those.
Think consequence rather than punishment. Let children discover the consequence of a specific action, rather than give them an arbitrary punishment unrelated to the behavior (i.e. timeouts). Allow natural consequences to happen or design logical consequences (consequences related to the specific action) that let children see the results of their choices. Follow through with consequences consistently so that same relationship between action and consequence is always made.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Designing Healthy Lunches
A well-balanced meal can mean a well-balanced day. Food is not only connected to health but behavior as well. Studies have found that foods with artificial dyes, artificial flavors, and preservatives (esp. sodium benzoate) can trigger hyperactivity in children, which can lead to a multitude of behavioral problems. Studies have also found that processed sugars can decrease children’s activity levels, making them tired by throwing off glucose levels. Lunch is an important nutritional part of every child’s day. While breakfast gets your child started, lunch keeps your child going through a long day. Healthy lunches can help children make better choices, feel more emotionally positive, and learn more effectively.
Often times the hardest thing for parents is trying to find things that their children will eat. Sometimes any food seems better than healthy food. There are some ways to help your children make healthier choices. Including your child in making his/her own lunch can be a way to start the conversation. Children are also more likely to eat their lunches when they participate in making them. If your child is picky, it is okay for him/her to eat the same thing each day. Find a healthy set of foods your child is willing to eat and send those for lunch. Then, to introduce new healthy foods, add one new thing each day and see if your child likes it.
Here are some ideas to make lunches healthy and yummy:
Start with a healthy protein that your child enjoys. Macaroni and cheese, a sandwich or tortilla roll-up, soup, or even left overs from last night’s dinner kept warm in a thermos are great ideas. Dairy products like cheese and yogurt are good proteins as well.
Add vegetables and fruit with lots of color. Slices of raw vegetables like carrots, cucumbers, celery, sweet peppers, and cherry tomatoes are great ideas. Yummy dips like ranch or hummus can make veggies more appealing. Bananas, strawberries, grapes, apples, pears, peaches, and plums are all fruits that kids love and satisfy the sweet tooth. There are so many vegetables and fruits your kids can begin to explore! Pureed fruits like applesauce are always a favorite (and there are so many kinds now!!) though fresh better than packged.
Think whole grains. Use brown grains rather than white whenever possible. They are a better source of fiber and nutrients than white grains. Cookies, crackers, and breads all have whole grain choices.
Get color naturally. Foods that are full of dyes have an extreme effect on children’s behavior. Yogurt is a wonderful healthy lunch choice (especially since they are full of probiotics). Choose yogurts that are natural and without lots of added sugar. Let fruit color them rather than dyes.
Water is the most hydrating. Water and milk are healthier beverage choices for lunch. Many juice boxes have as much sugar as sodas.
Whole foods are better than processed foods. Processed foods are full of sugar and sodium, so whenever you can buy something that isn’t from a box with a long shelf life, you are doing your child’s body a favor.
Check labels. Keep an eye out for dyes (yellow, blue, and red), artificial flavors, and sodium benzoate. Check the sugar and sodium level on the foods your give your child. You’ll be amazed how many things we all thought were healthy are actually full of sodium or sugar!
Snack foods are for snack. We all grew up with goldfish and cheezits, but these foods are really lacking in the nutrition department. There are many more natural brands that make healthier versions of these same foods, but they are still snack foods and not nutritionally part of a balanced meal. Even with healthy versions of snack food, limiting snack foods in favor of whole foods, proteins, fruits and veggies is more nutritionally beneficial for your child.
No dessert, please. Dessert is not always an evil, but the less sugar in your child’s lunch, the better. Dessert is better left out of the school day, but a yummy sweet fruit can easily take its place.
Take time to talk with your child about healthy food choices. While grocery shopping, making dinner, sitting at the dinner table, or preparing your child’s lunch the night before (or morning of), you can include your child and talk about food choices. Talk about what it means to be healthy and how different foods affect the body. Letting children participate in the process and decision making will not only teach them how to make healthy food choices but empower them to explore new foods. And even if they are resistant to new foods, encouragement and education without pushing will help them get there, eventually.
Keep a look out for new ideas. The Internet has wonderful suggestions for recipes to try out with your children. Search “preschool lunch ideas” and see what you find. Pick the brains of friends, relatives, and acquaintances. There are a lot of great creative ideas out there!
Often times the hardest thing for parents is trying to find things that their children will eat. Sometimes any food seems better than healthy food. There are some ways to help your children make healthier choices. Including your child in making his/her own lunch can be a way to start the conversation. Children are also more likely to eat their lunches when they participate in making them. If your child is picky, it is okay for him/her to eat the same thing each day. Find a healthy set of foods your child is willing to eat and send those for lunch. Then, to introduce new healthy foods, add one new thing each day and see if your child likes it.
Here are some ideas to make lunches healthy and yummy:
Start with a healthy protein that your child enjoys. Macaroni and cheese, a sandwich or tortilla roll-up, soup, or even left overs from last night’s dinner kept warm in a thermos are great ideas. Dairy products like cheese and yogurt are good proteins as well.
Add vegetables and fruit with lots of color. Slices of raw vegetables like carrots, cucumbers, celery, sweet peppers, and cherry tomatoes are great ideas. Yummy dips like ranch or hummus can make veggies more appealing. Bananas, strawberries, grapes, apples, pears, peaches, and plums are all fruits that kids love and satisfy the sweet tooth. There are so many vegetables and fruits your kids can begin to explore! Pureed fruits like applesauce are always a favorite (and there are so many kinds now!!) though fresh better than packged.
Think whole grains. Use brown grains rather than white whenever possible. They are a better source of fiber and nutrients than white grains. Cookies, crackers, and breads all have whole grain choices.
Get color naturally. Foods that are full of dyes have an extreme effect on children’s behavior. Yogurt is a wonderful healthy lunch choice (especially since they are full of probiotics). Choose yogurts that are natural and without lots of added sugar. Let fruit color them rather than dyes.
Water is the most hydrating. Water and milk are healthier beverage choices for lunch. Many juice boxes have as much sugar as sodas.
Whole foods are better than processed foods. Processed foods are full of sugar and sodium, so whenever you can buy something that isn’t from a box with a long shelf life, you are doing your child’s body a favor.
Check labels. Keep an eye out for dyes (yellow, blue, and red), artificial flavors, and sodium benzoate. Check the sugar and sodium level on the foods your give your child. You’ll be amazed how many things we all thought were healthy are actually full of sodium or sugar!
Snack foods are for snack. We all grew up with goldfish and cheezits, but these foods are really lacking in the nutrition department. There are many more natural brands that make healthier versions of these same foods, but they are still snack foods and not nutritionally part of a balanced meal. Even with healthy versions of snack food, limiting snack foods in favor of whole foods, proteins, fruits and veggies is more nutritionally beneficial for your child.
No dessert, please. Dessert is not always an evil, but the less sugar in your child’s lunch, the better. Dessert is better left out of the school day, but a yummy sweet fruit can easily take its place.
Take time to talk with your child about healthy food choices. While grocery shopping, making dinner, sitting at the dinner table, or preparing your child’s lunch the night before (or morning of), you can include your child and talk about food choices. Talk about what it means to be healthy and how different foods affect the body. Letting children participate in the process and decision making will not only teach them how to make healthy food choices but empower them to explore new foods. And even if they are resistant to new foods, encouragement and education without pushing will help them get there, eventually.
Keep a look out for new ideas. The Internet has wonderful suggestions for recipes to try out with your children. Search “preschool lunch ideas” and see what you find. Pick the brains of friends, relatives, and acquaintances. There are a lot of great creative ideas out there!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Fiore Conversations: The Child's Intent
Another wonderful Conversation At Fiore this past Friday brought about a very important concept involved with learning to understand our children's behaviors: our children's intent.
Often, we see a behavior in our child that we seek to understand or even change. However, we can only guide a behavior in the appropriate direction when we know why that behavior is occurring. We must interpret the intentions of our children in order to do so. It is not unusual for adults to wonder (or suggest) if a child's intentions are those of manipulation or control. But, often, these kinds of intentions require more complex or abstract developmental thoughts than young children are capable of. These assumptions of intent can often have more to do with the adult's experiences of the situation than the child's. Adults can feel manipulated or in a struggle for control, but often times they are missing the perspective of the child's development.
Our greatest challenge is to look at our child and always assume positive intentions. This is even more important with children in the first plane of development, meaning children under the age of six. Children at this age are deeply in the process of developing themselves, particularly their foundational skills (coordinating movements, language, and understanding the basics of social interactions). At the age of three, a child is only beginning to understand the concepts of empathy and "self." In order for children to understand the basic fundamentals of their environment, they have been given certain innate drives in order to stimulate learning and coordinate thoughts. It is most often these drives that are the root intention of most children's behaviors.
Order. The need for order is essential in the first plane of development, particularly between the ages of 18 months and four years (but can be strong and still noticeable before and after this period of time). Children need order to understand their environment, order in the sense of things being predictable and consistent. Children sensitive to their mind's need for order can become frustrated when that order comes undone. Something as simple as at item not being in the same place or more complex as in a changed schedule or unanticipated event can make many children extremely upset. If your child is showing a behavior that involves emotions of frustration or anger, it is often related to the child's sensitivity to order. Looking to see if your child's environment or routine has been thrown off can help you remedy the child's frustration or be more sensitive to your child's experience through unanticipated transitions.
Interest. A child's learning is driven by interest. Children are drawn to things that they wish to learn more about or experience. An activity like dumping water on the floor can be an exercise in trying to learn more about the properties of water or trying to coordinate the muscles to turn the container. The child does not see the mess or result, but merely absorbs the experience of the activity. If a child's interest draws the child into behaviors that are unacceptable, learning to notice the interest can greatly help redirect the child to more appropriate actions.
Sensory or Biological Sensitivity. Children have extremely sensitive sensory organs. They feel, hear, see, and smell much more strongly than we do. Some children can be frustrated by a feeling while others may be drawn to a feeling. These avoidances or enticements can direct much of their behaviors. Other children can be experiencing some form of biological discomfort, whether they are sick, tired, or any number of other medical experiences. These can often affect a child's behaviors and make them do things in ways we fail to understand.
Attention. Children need attention and they learn from us what will bring that attention. A child who consistently chooses negative behaviors because those are the ones that draw attention may be in need of more positive-oritented attention. A child with a new sibling who is in need of attention may replicate the infant's behaviors because the child notices that those behaviors draw attention. This is not manipulation so much as a very basic understanding of cause and effect on the part of the child. Children cannot communicate their need for attention so instead they seek to draw that attention with behavior.
There are many reasons why children initiate certain behaviors. Assuming positive intent can help us be more patient with them which helps us guide their behaviors in the most effective manner. In the same way that adults wish for others to assume that their mistakes were made with the best of intentions, the young child benefits most when we trust their intentions to be based on their need for development and stimulation rather than control or manipulation.
Often, we see a behavior in our child that we seek to understand or even change. However, we can only guide a behavior in the appropriate direction when we know why that behavior is occurring. We must interpret the intentions of our children in order to do so. It is not unusual for adults to wonder (or suggest) if a child's intentions are those of manipulation or control. But, often, these kinds of intentions require more complex or abstract developmental thoughts than young children are capable of. These assumptions of intent can often have more to do with the adult's experiences of the situation than the child's. Adults can feel manipulated or in a struggle for control, but often times they are missing the perspective of the child's development.
Our greatest challenge is to look at our child and always assume positive intentions. This is even more important with children in the first plane of development, meaning children under the age of six. Children at this age are deeply in the process of developing themselves, particularly their foundational skills (coordinating movements, language, and understanding the basics of social interactions). At the age of three, a child is only beginning to understand the concepts of empathy and "self." In order for children to understand the basic fundamentals of their environment, they have been given certain innate drives in order to stimulate learning and coordinate thoughts. It is most often these drives that are the root intention of most children's behaviors.
Order. The need for order is essential in the first plane of development, particularly between the ages of 18 months and four years (but can be strong and still noticeable before and after this period of time). Children need order to understand their environment, order in the sense of things being predictable and consistent. Children sensitive to their mind's need for order can become frustrated when that order comes undone. Something as simple as at item not being in the same place or more complex as in a changed schedule or unanticipated event can make many children extremely upset. If your child is showing a behavior that involves emotions of frustration or anger, it is often related to the child's sensitivity to order. Looking to see if your child's environment or routine has been thrown off can help you remedy the child's frustration or be more sensitive to your child's experience through unanticipated transitions.
Interest. A child's learning is driven by interest. Children are drawn to things that they wish to learn more about or experience. An activity like dumping water on the floor can be an exercise in trying to learn more about the properties of water or trying to coordinate the muscles to turn the container. The child does not see the mess or result, but merely absorbs the experience of the activity. If a child's interest draws the child into behaviors that are unacceptable, learning to notice the interest can greatly help redirect the child to more appropriate actions.
Sensory or Biological Sensitivity. Children have extremely sensitive sensory organs. They feel, hear, see, and smell much more strongly than we do. Some children can be frustrated by a feeling while others may be drawn to a feeling. These avoidances or enticements can direct much of their behaviors. Other children can be experiencing some form of biological discomfort, whether they are sick, tired, or any number of other medical experiences. These can often affect a child's behaviors and make them do things in ways we fail to understand.
Attention. Children need attention and they learn from us what will bring that attention. A child who consistently chooses negative behaviors because those are the ones that draw attention may be in need of more positive-oritented attention. A child with a new sibling who is in need of attention may replicate the infant's behaviors because the child notices that those behaviors draw attention. This is not manipulation so much as a very basic understanding of cause and effect on the part of the child. Children cannot communicate their need for attention so instead they seek to draw that attention with behavior.
There are many reasons why children initiate certain behaviors. Assuming positive intent can help us be more patient with them which helps us guide their behaviors in the most effective manner. In the same way that adults wish for others to assume that their mistakes were made with the best of intentions, the young child benefits most when we trust their intentions to be based on their need for development and stimulation rather than control or manipulation.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Creating the Montessori Atmosphere
The Montessori environment is unique. As a parent entering into a Montessori classroom, you have seen this and the atmosphere you have experienced has led you to choose this school for your child. Witnessing you child's positive experiences you may wonder how you can support similar experiences in your own home. The Montessori atmosphere can be created in any home because it is an approach: a foundational set of principles that create an attitude towards children, their development, and the world they live in.
BEING A MONTESSORI PARENT
In their article, Being A Montessori Parent, (found at the link above), Karen Skinulis and Stanley Shapiro beautifully describe these principles and how they can be applied at home. Talking about encouraging independence, establishing order, helping children to be helpful, the development of concentration, nature, practical life, self-discovery, encouragement of choice and developing an interest in learning, and using encouragement rather than rewards, these parenting coaches have wonderful insights and practical examples to follow the Montessori approach at home.
Thoughts? Comments? Any similar or different ideas you have used at home?
In their article, Being A Montessori Parent, (found at the link above), Karen Skinulis and Stanley Shapiro beautifully describe these principles and how they can be applied at home. Talking about encouraging independence, establishing order, helping children to be helpful, the development of concentration, nature, practical life, self-discovery, encouragement of choice and developing an interest in learning, and using encouragement rather than rewards, these parenting coaches have wonderful insights and practical examples to follow the Montessori approach at home.
Thoughts? Comments? Any similar or different ideas you have used at home?
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