Montessori Principles for Parents: The Basics

Children Create Themselves: The Absorbent Mind

“The child has other powers than ours, 

and the creation he achieves is no small one; it is everything.”

- Dr. Maria Montessori

The child’s mind is a sponge, designed to absorb and process the information around it.  Before the age of three, the child does this without conscious thought, and the method of absorbing and processing information is guided by every experience and stimuli around him.  He impulsively acts and reacts with his environment.  The brain is hardwired to allow unconscious processing (meaning without specific intention) in order to allow the small child to develop the skills necessary to function.  Those skills must come before his mind is able to consciously (activated by the child's thoughtful intention) process information.  Examples of how this learning process naturally happens are how the child learns to sit, crawl, walk, and talk without being “taught” to do so.  These actions happen naturally and each child has his own process to achieve them.  In this manner, the young child creates who he is and what his abilities are.

After the age of three, the absorbent mind continues for three more years, but the child creates himself consciously, developing the ability to have more specific interests and intentions.  The first three years created foundational skills the child may now build upon, working towards his own specific interests and abilities.  Children are driven by their interests and there intention is to seek, explore, and discover new information based on those interests.  Humans are an incredible species in that our survival is dependent upon our ability to learn and think.  For that reason, the developing brain's main purpose is to learn and strengthen the ability to think.  Children are born with the desire and need to learn at all times and they are driven by this.  They are driven to create themselves.

Follow The Child Through Observation

“No guide, no teacher can divine the intimate needs of each pupil and the time of maturation necessary to each; but only leave the child free and all this will be revealed to us under the guidance of nature.”

- Dr. Maria Montessori

Because of the child's unique drive for learning and creation, it is his impulses and interests that best drive the process.  Understanding this drive shifts the adult’s role from deciding what, where and when the child learns to guiding the child through his own process of learning.  Dr. Montessori coined the phrase “follow the child” to reflect how adults make those guidance decisions.  Closely observing the child allows the adult to take note of what interests the child and what the child is trying to work on or discover, and allows the adult to guide the child towards or through tasks that achieve the child’s goal.  The adult may help a child be successful with a task by providing assistance (but not doing it for them) or may help guide them to something that interests them while making certain that activity is safe.  The adult can provide information about something that peaks a child’s interest (a word for an object or information about something unknown, for example).  When a child directs the interest, he is more likely to be engaged and more likely to process the information.  Learning is most valuable to a child (and desirable) if it is driven by his own interests.  Only by observing the child’s interests and focus during an activity can an adult help guide that process.

Promote Independence

“These words reveal the child's inner needs: 

‘Help me to do it alone.’"

-Dr. Maria Montessori

When guiding any process or activity, the best goal for the adult is to help the child achieve a sense of independence.  The more a child is allowed to do for himself, the more capable he becomes.  This leads to self-discipline, a desire for success, and the child’s own belief that he can achieve success.  If a child is able to do something, we should allow them the time and patience to accomplish the task no matter how long it takes (or how imperfectly it is done).  If a child needs assistance during a process, we should give that assistance but only so long as they need it, and let them continue onward independently in the process if and when they are able to.  We should the child assist us in the daily tasks of life, so that he may learn to accomplish these tasks.  Dr. Montessori once wrote that we should never do for a child what he can do for himself.  To do so corrupts the child’s belief that he is capable.  The less capable a child feels, the less he wishes to achieve.  It is through the adult’s promotion of the child’s independence that he becomes secure in his abilities and becomes driven to achieve more.

Prepare the Environment

“To assist a child we must provide him with an environment 

which will enable him to develop freely.”

- Dr. Maria Montessori

While it is the child’s own interests and intentions that drive his learning process, it is the environment that provides the experiences and stimuli from which he becomes interested.  In this way, the adult has the ability to have some control over what the child uses to create himself.  If we provide simple child-sized tools that children are able to use, they are more likely to be successful with tasks.  The adult has the ability to set up a task so that the child will be most successful.  If we secure the environment and make certain that it is safe, the child can be more free to explore without safety being a concern.  If we provide appropriate materials in the environment, then we can protect the child from exposure to inappropriate materials.  If the adult focuses on what he can control, the environment around the child, then he can allow the child to freely explore and follow his own instincts.

Guidance Instead Of Correction

“Our care of the children should be governed not by the desire to 'make them learn things', but by the endeavor always to keep burning within them the light which is called intelligence.”

- Dr. Maria Montessori

When children begin to do things for themselves, they often do things “incorrectly” as they begin learning.  The adult’s instinct is often to correct the child, focusing on what has been done wrong.  When the focus becomes the negative, the child often feels stifled and loses the desire to continue.  Children faced with correction often walk away from a task.  However, when we focus on what the child does correctly and reintroduce what needs to be done, the child feels energized and looks to continue.  Children benefit more from positive examples of how to do something rather than negatively pointing out what they have done wrong.  For example, if a child spills water, instead of pointing out that they spilled, refocusing the child on how to carry the object containing the water illustrates the same thing without negatively impacting the child’s desire to continue.  If a child answers a question wrong, it is unnecessary to point out that they are wrong.  Not correcting a child does not imply that they will always be incorrect.  Rather, it means that you have more to explain to them (either then or a later time).  The self-discovery of correcting himself is far more valuable to the child than your own correction.  For example, a child may say “two plus two is five.”  Rather than say, “no, it’s four” we can say “let’s see.” Take two objects and add two more.  Let the child count again.  The child will excitedly announce, “it’s four!”  Through this process, the adult has guided the child without correction, allowing the child to discover the answer himself.

Fiore Conversations: Role-Playing To Resolve Frustrations

Another wonderful session (about separation anxiety and the secret of childhood) led us to the helpful idea of role-play.  As we discussed in last week's session, children often have a hard time communicating what they are experiencing.  Communication can be a challenge and create a puzzle to understanding exactly what may be upsetting a child.  How we approach the child and the questions we use can also affect our ability to ascertain what is troubling the child.  But, eventually, if we let the child express himself without directing it, we can reach the child and discover what particular aspect of his day or life is causing frustration.

It could be something like another child taking a toy, or maybe not liking the snack served, or perhaps a misunderstanding between friends.  Anything can cause frustration when a child does not have the conflict resolution skills or social development to understand how to resolve or process the problem (especially one never encountered before).  So, once we know what the problem is, we then have to figure out how to help the child resolve the problem.  And the most important part of that last sentence is: the child.

When our little ones are born, we do everything for them.  Stepping that continuous assistance back is difficult, but it's important to the process of helping the child learn to problem-solve.  Because, there will always be a day when we aren't there to step in.  If we don't help the child develop the social skills to resolve the problem, the child will be helpless during that moment we are not there.  So, the frustration and the problem becomes the teachable moment.

Role Playing is one of the greatest tools you have for helping your child learn to resolve conflicts (of any sort).  If you don't know what the conflict is, you can role-play or pretend play with your child by letting him take the lead.  Perhaps he could pretend to be the teacher and you are a child in the class, or let him be whoever he likes.  Ask the child what you should do and let them direct the play.  See if the play leads to understanding what a conflict might be.

Once or if you know what the conflict is, then you can set up a role-play to demonstrate the possible responses.  Simply talking about what a child can do can be helpful but it's not nearly as effective as when a child sees something acted out.  You can enlist older siblings or other family members to help or you can role-play directly with your child.  The key is to act out the conflict your child has experienced and then demonstrate the appropriate response (or responses) your child could have.

For example, let's use the scenario of a child being upset that another child has taken his toy.  Two adults (or older children) can pretend to act out the scenario:

Adult 1 takes toy from Adult 2 and begins to play with it.  

Adult 2 shows a sad and frustrated face and exclaims: I am so angry, he/she took my toy!  (looking at the child)  What can I do??

See if the child has any ideas, and if not, show what you might do.

Adult 2 taps on Adult 1's shoulder and says: I was playing with that, you need to give that back to me.  Can I help you find something else to play with?

Adult 2 gives the toy back or does something else...

The scenarios can continue like that.  Show the child different examples of how the other person might react and how to handle it.  Let's say Adult 1 gets mad and refuses, then Adult 2 can show the child how to resolve that situation (get a teacher or bring another object to entertain the child, for example).  Adult 2 might even say "that's okay, you can have that, I can find something else."  That's okay, too.  Then give your child a chance to play Adult 2's role.  Have Adult 1 take the toy and see what your child chooses to do.  Older children will be particularly understand of this as they often run into much more complex social situations.  They will probably be much more participatory in giving ideas or possibilities.

The idea is that we empower children to know what to do in a scenario they have not encountered before.  Encourage your child by letting them know that you can "play" anything with them to help them learn what to do and work out problems.  They'll love it, because, you're not just helping them solve problems, your playing with them, too.  Remember, though, learning these skills takes time and repetition.  Children have to continually practice these skills before they become engrained.  But even if the frustration is not immediately gone, the start of empowerment has very much begun.

Who Was Dr. Montessori Anyway?

Montessori teachers and administrators are often quoting the highly esteemed Dr. Maria Montessori.  You'll see these same quotes on our blog; they are words from the source.  Montessori educators use Dr. Montessori's words to explain virtually everything.  If disagreement should arise, we go back to her books and interpret her words.  In Montessori, her words are gospel.  But, to a person who has not studied her methodology and philosophy, or dedicated their life to achieving her vision, it can all leave you with one simple question.

Who is this Dr. Montessori and why are her words so important?

Dr. Montessori's story is a complex and interesting one, and to condense it to a blog post is a complicated task.  It is rich in detail and long with events.  So, before we give you a brief (very) account of how she became the leader of an educational movement, it is important to understand that she did not leave us with answers.  She left us with the questions and the guidelines for how to answer those questions.  Montessori's legacy is more than a method.  It is a pursuit for understanding; a pursuit for understanding the child.

Born in a small town in Italy, Maria Montessori lived from 1870 to 1952.  She lived in a time where women rarely held professions and children were seen as little "adults" and enjoyed little of the rights that they do today.  Child labor laws in the United States would not be enacted until 1938.  A scientist at heart, drawn deeply to biology, she dreamed of becoming a doctor, a pursuit not common to women during that time.  With amazing support from her family and what must have been some exceptional interview and negotiating skills, she became the first woman accepted from and graduated from (1896) a medical school in Italy, and on a scholarship!

From the start, she had not intended to work with children and developing an entire educational movement had not been on her mind.  But, as her life would unfold, it would reveal that Dr. Montessori was not only drawn to children, but she had a natural gift for understanding them.  She began working with different psychiatric patients until she ended up at a children's mental institution.  She was told by the staff that the children were so "stupid" they would play with crumbs.  Dr. Montessori observed that these children were given no toys or any kind of stimuli.  The more she observed them, the more she believed that the issue at hand was not medical, but educational.  She shared this view with French doctors Jean Itard and Edouin Seguin, whom she studied and had developed a number of educational approaches towards these children (activities that you can now find in a Montessori classroom).  She began to use these materials (and ones she developed herself) with the children from the institution.  The result was astonishing.  The children transformed through mental stimulation.

Eventually, Dr. Montessori would have the opportunity to work with children not deemed "mentally deficient," and established Children's Houses in poor neighborhoods in Rome.  Her work in these homes and her results would become known around the world.  She took her work to other countries, inevitably settling in India when World War 2 came to Italy.  From the results she saw, she established a method and taught it so others could create more schools.

Dr. Montessori's methods and materials are not the result of a theory.  They are the result of observations.  Dr. Montessori's understanding of biology and the human body along with an innate gift to observe and understand children allowed her to identify needs and develop materials that would meet those needs.  But, she could never have predicted the outcomes.  She wrote in The Secret Of Childhood, that when she observed the children's actions of concentration and focus she would think "I won’t believe this time; I will wait until the next time to believe."  She discovered that when children were given the opportunities to learn how to do things and interact with real things, they would develop a host of traits like independence and confidence.  They would become peaceful, self-disciplined, and develop a love for learning.  Her approach was that of a scientist.  She would give the children things to do and see what happened.  Ultimately, she developed an understanding of the true nature of the child and how the child learns.  She did not create a method, she simply wrote down what she observed and what she did.  “It is not true,” says Dr. Montessori, “that I invented what is called the Montessori Method. I have studied the child, I have taken what the child has given me and expressed it, and that is what is called the Montessori Method” [What You Should Know About Your Child: Based on Lectures Delivered by Maria Montessori, transcribed and translated by Gnana Prakasam].

The life of children today is very different than it was then.  Dr. Montessori probably never imagined that any child would have something like a television in the home, let alone three or four, or smartphones, or tablets.  But, even with all the changes of the world, what Dr. Montessori discovered still holds true.  Scientific research (that was impossible then) continues to prove her discoveries scientifically valid (for more information, read The Science Behind The Genius).  The discoveries of scientific research that informs educators today, most Montessorians already know, because she discovered those very realities through her observations.  She challenged parents and educators to observe and respect the nature of the child, and when that was accomplished, we could begin to guide and support the child.  For this reason, those of us who support her mission to help children develop to their fullest potential always return to her words and her ideas.  She continues to help us find the answers with her questions, her observations, and her compassionate approach.

For more in-depth information on Dr. Montessori's life and discoveries, E.M. Standing's Maria Montessori: Her Life and Work is a wonderful read.

What Does "Follow The Child" Mean?

“‘Follow the child’ does not mean let the child do what he wants. It is simply an acknowledgment that the child has his or her own pattern – that we need to take into account where the child is at, rather than impose our idea of what the child should learn now.” -- Rising Star Montessori

You will often here Montessorians talk about following the child. But what does that mean? It can often be confused that Montessori methodology allows the child to do whatever he wants. But this is not the case. Rather, it is a thoughtful way towards helping the child develop himself within the guidelines we adults set as the boundaries of society.

Human development is vastly different from that of other mammals.  While most mammals can walk and socially interact within minutes of their birth, the human mammal is completely dependent upon his caregivers for everything.  This phase of dependency is unusually long and unique to our species. The delay in maturation of physical development allows the human brain to make connections and develop pathways that ultimately lead to our ability to excel as a species.  Dr. Montessori observed that this period of time was one of great psychological and spiritual development, during which the child is dramatically able to absorb information and begin to categorize it.  Children are pre-wired to learn and hard-wired with the desire to do so.  It is imperative to the survival of our species that we be able to do this.  And so, from birth throughout childhood, children are doing an innate job, they are working on creating themselves.  Sensitive periods, triggered by and visible through interest, allow the child to focus on specific areas of development and create neuro-pathways in the brain dedicated to these abilities.  Children are developing a psychological self through sensations, impressions, and experiences.  The child’s reality is that he must learn; rather than be given information, he needs the support to explore his environment in order to actively acquire information and practice his skills.  The child’s own temperament and unique interests are what allow him to develop into a unique individual.

Given that children are hard-wired to learn, it can be understood that we do not need to force them to do so.  We do not need to choose what they learn or who they will become: they are already making those choices.  The role of the parent and the teacher is to guide this innate learning process through supporting the child’s interests while keeping the child safe.  It is through this guidance that we nurture the desire to learn and help children develop into confident, peaceful, and successful adults.  The way to achieve this guidance is to “follow” the child.  If we consider that the child’s interests create a map for their learning needs, then it is by paying attention to those interests that we can find ways to encourage that learning.  The same is true for the opposite: if we ignore or belittle those interests, we can guide the child away from his natural process and ultimately, reduce his desire to learn.

Following your child is simply a result of observing what peaks your child’s interests. This does not mean that you give your child whatever he wants or let your child do whatever he wants.  Rather, it means that you become aware of what intrigues your child and find safe ways to allow your child to explore that interest.  For example, perhaps your child is attracted to a sharp knife.  A parent’s natural instinct might be to take that knife away, and this is an appropriate instinct.  However, how you take the knife away can be the difference between encouraging your child to learn and discouraging your child from following their innate sense of learning.  If you say “no,” and take the knife away leaving your child to redirect is own interests, you make the statement to your child that his interests are bad and he may become insecure in following those interests.  You also miss the opportunity to teach your child about safety.  On the other hand, you can take the knife away and explain to your child that this is not safe, pointing out that the sharp edge can cut.  Your child has learned a valuable lesson and has the opportunity to avoid unsafe objects in the future.  In the mean time, if you notice what attracted your child to the knife or ask him what they wanted to do with the knife, you can easily help him find a replacement that allows them to continue following his interest and developing his skills.  For example, if he is very young and just likes the shiny nature of the object, you can help him find a safer, shiny object.  If he is older and wishes to cut something, you can find out what he would like to cut and find a safer tool for this (such as scissors or a dull knife).  Observing what your child is trying to do and helping them attain their goals is what children need to help them securely create themselves.  Children who can trust their interests and pursue them become adults who make decisions, trust their instincts, and are confident in their pursuit of goals.

Fiore Conversations: Language Development Affects Communication

Our first Conversation at Fiore went wonderfully!  We attempted to video tape it so that we could share the video with you all, but unfortunately it did not work this week (user error!).  Next week, we will certainly work towards taping the session.

During the session, we discussed many of the topics that we have been blogging over the past week including: the secret of childhood, coping with separation anxiety, the transitioning child, and a child's happiness.  We also shared an excellent article on the relationship between loving our children and letting our children grow and become independent:

http://www.amiusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/amiusa-the-greatest-love.pdf

However, one of the most interesting topics that came out of the session was on the subject of the child's communication abilities and it's relationship to how we interpret their feelings about separation and school.  We discussed that each child has his own unique way of communicating; some children may feel the same feelings of a crying child but not communicate it in that matter.  Crying can often mean “I would much rather stay with you” but cannot be voiced more than it means that the child is not having good experiences at school.  As parents, it can be difficult to interpret a child's emotions or experiences when the child does not have the complex language for sharing their feelings.  Being sensitive to the child's language development and understanding its simplicity can help us remember that the child may not be able to share his emotions in any manner other than crying.  Equally important, helping them develop language for their experiences will help them communicate in the future.  How we communicate with children will affect how they develop the communication for their emotions as well as understand transitions.

One example that we used to demonstrate a difference in the child's developmental understanding of language was the concept of time.  A child’s grasp and understanding of time is not the same as an adult’s.  “3:30” is a not yet a concrete concept to them.  Knowing this, it can help to use concrete positioning words such as, “after, before” and describe a particular event.  For example, if one were to tell a child, “I will come to pick you up after naptime,” the child can grasp this concept, anticipate the event, and can trust (after a couple of times to reassure them) that routine.

Along the same lines is the general concept of planning.  At the earliest of ages, some children may not understand a plan until it becomes a routine (so explaining the plan may not help until that plan has been repeated many times and become a routine).  Children are most comfortable when they have routine.  Still, verbally communicating and giving them expectations is a good way to help them anticipate transitions until the routine allows them to naturally anticipate.  This can mean reminding them verbally of what the plan for the day is, as well as making sure that you remain consistent with the established routine.

When trying to understand a child's emotions and asking them to communicate with you, it is important to remember to engage children with non-leading questions.  Often times, unforeseen by the person asking the questions, the answer can be directed rather than emenating from the child.  Therefore, it is always important to remember to ask objective questions.  If directed towards a specific idea that the adult has in mind, the children will respond with what the adult thinks, and different results from the truth can occur.  Such as, the question “are you bored?”  The child most often times is not bored (tired of the world and depleted of energy) but perhaps cannot decide what to do.  Still, the child understands that if they answer “yes,” a favorable result occurs (someone finds the child something to do).  They also begin to internalize that looking for something to do means "bored" and continue to communicate in that manner.  The same thing can happen with the question "do you not like school?"  Children can sense our anxiety related to the question and they can assume those are the words that will help them avoid school or achieve something else.  The reality could be not that they dislike school but at the moment they feel they would rather be close to a parent, or they have something at home they would really like to do.  By phrasing the question this way, we have given the child language that may not accurately represent the picture.  We must be careful with the words we give our children to communicate so that they can properly express what they are really feeling.  We must also be careful to avoid giving our children words that do not accurately express their real experience.

Another topic that follows non-leading questions is the idea of being careful with what children say/do.  Often times, children do not know exactly what the cause of why they feel the way they feel.  For example, during our conversation, Anjali told the story about a child whose mother was concerned when the child had told her, “I don’t want to go to school because I don’t have any friends.”  In reality, the child was loved by all at the school and the reason he felt that way was because his classmates would not do what he wanted when playing with him.  His internalization of the situation was not accurate (although very real to him) and so his communication represented something other than the real picture.  What he needed was help learning conflict resolution with his friends, which parent and teacher were able to discover together by asking questions objectively.  This example proves the importance of asking many questions (speaking with the child as well as engaging the help of his teacher) to get a full-picture of the situation for solving a communication puzzle.  Another example provided, was when a parent knew her child was having a wonderful time when she left but when the parent returned, the child burst into tears; that experience confused the parent.   We discussed that the child's reaction was an expression of emotion and the child had no other way of communicating “I missed you and wish you had not left” even though she did have a wonderful time.

One parent gave an insightful example of how to bridge the communication gap.  Printing emotional charts and explaining to the child what the emotion is (while giving language for it) and using it in an example as a way for the child to better express his/herself when the situation is unclear. This is helpful for painting a picture of what the child is experiencing when the parent has no idea what the cause of reactions are.  It gives children the opportunity to learn language that will help them accurately express themselves.

When children were babies, parents had to interpret their cries.  Now we have to interpret their understanding of language (and lack of language) and help support their ability to express themselves.  At Fiore, we always give children the language for what they are experiencing, even if all they have are tears ("I understand you miss mommy," "I can see that you feel sad right now").  We remain at their sides through the hardest of transitions and know that validating the expression of their emotions is one of the most important parts of the transition process.

Teacher Highlights: A Child In Transition

This highlight was written by:

Minaxi Punjabi, Lead Teacher of the Half-Day Toddler Program at Fiore Montessori

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.  

~Author Unknown

For a toddler child who is in school five days a week, I have noticed that it takes a minimum of 4 to 5 weeks for them to meaningfully engage and for the beginning of the consideration that the school environment is inclusive to and an extension of their "life." Before this realization, they explore and engage mostly out of curiosity rather than approach activity as real work from which they derive fulfillment.  At this developmental stage, their unconscious mind (the instinctive mind which absorbs experiences rather than the conscious mind which directs activity) and inner impulses respond when they interact with the material. 

It is useful to remember the child needs regular, routine exposure to a certain norm, routine, culture, or environment before they become comfortable with it.  Previously, whenever the child has adapted to a new experience, he has done so while in the presence of certain adult care givers (those adults the child has associated with his ability to survive) and so we cannot forget the "power" of the presence those adults have in the unconscious psyche of the child.

Now that the child has set his foot out into world that is his own, the more the child is aware of the physical separation between the adults in his life and himself, and the more the child will "sense" the absence of the adult.  The physical separation becomes an event.  How the child articulates and relates to this event depends on many factors, including whether the child has begun the developmental process of interpreting past, present and future (and the connotation it holds for the child).  

The child gradually adapts and secures himself to this new knowledge through exploration and articulation.  Before a new secure attachment can form, the child may express his discomfort for the unknown and long to go back into the security of the known.  Some children may do so quietly through distant observation while others may be vocal with crying or even clingy behavior. 

A few strategies that can help the child in transition… 

• It is healthy to allow the children to communicate (even if that means tears are involved) and provide them with words. Words like (when the child is approaching the car and is breaking down into tears): "I hear you crying. It seems to me, you are relieved to see me. I am back to pick you up like I had said."  When we take the children from you, you might hear us acknowledge their feelings by using words that label their emotions, such as "confused," "anxious," "missing mommy," etc.  Using vocabulary helps children associate language as an appropriate tool to communicate and acknowledge their present state (ultimately, allowing them to one day replace crying with words).
• These transitional days and routines are for many (children), their first experience of something that they have no previous paradigm to.  For those children it is like taking them to an alien country with people and customs of which they have no idea of what to expect next of. Keeping this in mind, we accept their tears with a joyous attitude and recommend you announce your faith in their going to school, by using words that bring them a sense of true comfort.  I looked up synonyms of faith and following are some of the words I came up with interestingly: acceptance, allegiance, assurance, belief, certainty, confidence, constancy, and convinction.  Take a moment or two to think of these cues and while preparing yourself and the children for the most (possible) comforting drop off and pick up routine.
• Maintain routines as much as possible during the transition time. 
• The children get exhausted and tired more than usual in the initial school day transition, and though may seem active, a relative quiet and slow paced evening will go a long way in preparing them for a better day ahead at school the next day.
• Communicate with the school of any changes taking place at home, such as a parent's business travel, an important adult missing from the landscape of family life due to work or other personal commitments, or any other kind of stresses any family members might be going through (work, health, new baby).  These changes have an impact on the child, and so, if the teacher is aware of them, she can make a remarkably positive contribution to helping the child deal with these situations.
• If a child is unwell the discomfort of adjusting to a new environment becomes a bigger challenge. It is important for a child to get ample of rest and hence in that case, it is ok for the child to take a day off and come back to when their bodies can take more stress.   

In the Montessori classroom, we respect the various stages of development in the child and deeply honor the (difficult) choices families have to make for the sake of their children.  If, as adults, we believe that sending them to school is an important milestone in the life of the parent-child relationship and child development, then as the responsible adult we must also have faith in the child and the work they are capable of, that with the help of prepared environment and prepared adults, the child will manifest to it's fullest potential.

Processing A Fire Drill

Our first fire drill went well today, although it was without the actual alarm (we did play some audio of what it would sound like, but this was much quieter than the real thing).  Fire drills are required by law, and so we must do them.  Still, we must realize that a fire drill can have an extremely profound effect on young children.

In the aftermath of the fire drill, some of the youngest children (and even older ones) may have questions.  Some may have fears.  Before the experience today, we talked about how this was not a real fire but a practice of what might happen if there were an emergency and we needed to leave the building.  We talk to children about how a loud noise is made to let us know to leave so that we may be safe.  Despite our preparations, however, some children still experience the drill dramatically.  It sparks the idea of an emergency, and this can be a new concept for young children.

How can you help your child process this experience?

Minimize fear.  Talk about how an emergency did not actually happen, and while it's important to prepare for one, it is unlikely to ever happen at the school or at home.  Older children may benefit from being prepared, but younger children are more scared than protected by the idea.  While it's important to tell children there is nothing to fear, it's also important to acknowledge and validate the existence of their fears.

Discuss ways to protect your ears from loud noises.  While your child did not hear the bell this time, they will in the future.  Talking about how your child has the power to minimize loud sounds by covering their ears with hands can give them some sense of control and preparation for when those loud sounds do appear.

Explore your child's questions and emotions.  Let your child lead the discussion so that it might help you ascertain how the experience affected them.  From that point, you can find ways to help your child process the experience.

Read a book.  Two great books about fire drills are:  Arthur’s Fire Drill by Marc Brown, and Fire Drill by Paul DuBois Jacobs.

Act it out.  Have a pretend drill at home where your child can talk about feelings while it happens, or act it out with dolls/toys.  Practicing with favorite adults can help children stay calm during fearful experiences.

Fire Drills are an important way to save lives and protect young children, but it is also important for parents and educators to realize that these events can have a dramatic effect on the youngest of children.  Toddlers may have little awareness of what is happening, but for primary children, the impact can be real.  Taking time to help children through processing the experience can make all the difference!

A Happy Child? The Process of Normalization

IS MY CHILD HAPPY AT SCHOOL?

This is the question on the mind of most parents, and it is a fair question.  In the school environment the child has experiences that parents are not aware of.  Often, the only information comes from a very young child who is still developing the ability to remember and communicate.  Some children express their happiness in their desire to go to school and that question is easily answered.  Other children show signs of sadness and it's hard to interpret their experiences.  Usually these children dislike the separation process and it's that sadness they are expressing.  Others may be expressing different frustrations that they do not yet have the words to communicate.  With all of these different scenarios and different emotions, how can we know if a child is happy?

The truth is, "happiness" is a loaded term.  Happiness, by definition, is a state of well-being.  A child may, overall, experience happiness, but within that experience they will also express a range of emotions.  A generally happy child can still cry or express anger because those are expressions of normal emotions.  

In the Montessori environment, having faith in the process means having faith in a concept called normalization.  Dr. Montessori often uses the term "normal," but she did not mean what we think of today when we hear that word (being like everyone else).  Instead, she found that children who engaged in meaningful activity went through a process of finding inner peace and entering a state of well being.  Borrowing from the field of anthropology, she used the term to mean becoming a contributing member of society.  She intended that people would realize that the outcomes she observed through the normalization process are possible for all children and not just a special few.  She found that "the children in our schools have proved to us that their real wish is to be always at work - a thing never before suspected, just as no one had ever before noticed the child's power of choosing his work spontaneously....Following an inner guide, the children busied themselves with something (different for each) which gave them serenity and joy."

As children begin to settle into activities in the classroom, they begin to engage with their own abilities and learn to follow their own instincts.  They develop skills that lead to independence which creates a sense of accomplishment and joy.  Through the act of concentrating and learning what drives them, they develop confidence and begin to have faith in themselves.   Dr. Montessori wrote: "The first essential for the child's development is concentration.  The child who concentrates is immensely happy."  


Four characteristics signal that the process of normalization is happening: love of work, concentration, self-discipline, and sociability.  Dr. Montessori wrote: "All four characteristics must be present for us to say that a normalized type common to the whole of mankind is appearing—no matter how brief the appearance of the characteristics. The process is usually invisible to us because the process of normalization is hidden by characteristics not proper to the child"  (The Absorbent Mind, p. 202).  This is the process of normalization, and it is through this process that Montessori children not only develop to their fullest potential, but become positive and driving forces in the world.

So, is your child happy?  

Perhaps the better question is: is your child normalizing?  Is your child developing skills of independence?  Is your child showing signs of confidence and taking on new tasks?  Is your child developing the ability to concentrate for longer periods of time?  It is these traits that will lead to a lifetime of happiness and security.  These are the outcomes that we aim for in the Montessori environment.  It is through looking for evidence of these outcomes that parents can begin to develop faith in the process and comfort in their child's experiences.

Coping With Separation Anxiety

"Separation is a process whereby an individual

learns to recognize him or herself as separate from

others. Because we have a genetic bias to form

secure attachments, separation anxiety is an

instinctive human response.”

- Marie Conti

The beginning of the school year is a very transitional time for young children.  Some children may respond with tears, others may show sadness, while others bound out of the car with smiles on their faces.  Every child has his or her own way of dealing with separation, and there is no wrong way.  It is normal to experience sadness or anxiety at the experience of separation and even more normal to express those emotions any way they know how.  Even if your child was thrilled with the newfound exploration during September, October may be bringing new emotions as the novelty wears off.  This too is normal and not necessarily reflective of your child's experience at school, but your child's emotions about separation.


Understanding separation anxiety as a natural process and finding strategies to help that process along can make a huge impact on helping our children (and ourselves) separate.  Marie Conti, M.Ed., has 30 years of experience as a Montessori parent, teacher, teacher educator, teacher education program director, school administrator, and regional group leader.  The following link shares her thoughts on separation and how to make the transition smoother, printed in Montessori International:

http://montessorihouseforchildren.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/CopingWithSeparation.pdf

This transitional time isn't just hard on children; it's hard on parents.  And how the transition affects parents can also have implications for how the child experiences separation.  The connection runs deep and the experience of separation is part of the special relationship between parent and child.  There is no right or wrong way of dealing; we can only realize that we must deal with these emotions and do our best to make the transition as smooth as possible.

The Secret Of Childhood

"It is the spirit of the child that can determine the course of human progress and lead it perhaps even to  higher form of civilization."  -- Dr. Maria Montessori

From these words, Dr. Montessori began her book, The Secret Of Childhood.  Wrapped up in this idea is one of the very basic tenets of Montessori philosophy.  If parents or educators are to begin (or continue) a Montessori journey, then it must begin from this point.  From here the yellow brick road unravels...

When Dr. Montessori coined the phrase "the secret of childhood," she was referring to the innate drive within all children.  She was talking about a biological impulse as well as a spiritual impulse; she was talking about the child's intuitive and instinctive need to learn and to create herself.   Most mammals are built to function within the world immediately; dolphins swim instantly and calves learn to walk within hours.  But the human child is different.  The human child must develop an intellect that is unlike no other mammal on this Earth.  That process is rooted within the child, follows its own instincts, and unfolds within the spirit of the child.

The secret of childhood is this: only the child knows where he will go or who he will become.  The child is the key to the future, and that key is hidden within him.  We cannot know what will unfold, we can only watch.  We may guide his endeavors, but we cannot control his desires.  The moment we try to transform him from what is inherently his, the moment he becomes lost.  Only when we trust the journey of the child, can he unlock his potential.  The journey is his, not ours.

Every year, children begin school and embark on their own private journey.  It is never easy for parents.  The journey of the parent is to protect and cherish the life they have brought into the world; the letting go of that is never easy.  It's harder when children are silent about the things that happen to them when they are on their own, or when they are processing sadness through tears.  But, it's all a part of the process of the transformation of the child.  The school is the child's opportunity to develop his own interests and follow his own desires.  It is the next evolution of the child's journey.

By choosing Montessori, you have chosen a path that believes in letting the child's journey unfold according to her own nature.  Her teachers will support her through this process by observing her interests and helping guide her to activities that inspire her.  She will become engaged, and through that process she will release her potential.

The child's Montessori journey is to learn to have faith in her secret and reveal it.  The parent's Montessori journey is to learn to have faith in the child's secret and watch it unfold.

Welcome!

Dear Families,

Fiore Montessori would like to welcome you to our new blog! 

This site will be dedicated to sharing ideas and thoughts about Montessori Philosophy and Education, parenting strategies, and creative ways to support Montessori in the home.  We hope to post daily, sharing information on topics that are pertinent to the entire Fiore community.  This will be a place where teachers can share their own thoughts on Montessori Education with you all as well (look for a weekly teacher highlight!).  Please come and check in on us throughout the week!

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Enjoy!