Another wonderful session (about separation anxiety and the secret of childhood) led us to the helpful idea of role-play. As we discussed in last week's session, children often have a hard time communicating what they are experiencing. Communication can be a challenge and create a puzzle to understanding exactly what may be upsetting a child. How we approach the child and the questions we use can also affect our ability to ascertain what is troubling the child. But, eventually, if we let the child express himself without directing it, we can reach the child and discover what particular aspect of his day or life is causing frustration.
It could be something like another child taking a toy, or maybe not liking the snack served, or perhaps a misunderstanding between friends. Anything can cause frustration when a child does not have the conflict resolution skills or social development to understand how to resolve or process the problem (especially one never encountered before). So, once we know what the problem is, we then have to figure out how to help the child resolve the problem. And the most important part of that last sentence is: the child.
When our little ones are born, we do everything for them. Stepping that continuous assistance back is difficult, but it's important to the process of helping the child learn to problem-solve. Because, there will always be a day when we aren't there to step in. If we don't help the child develop the social skills to resolve the problem, the child will be helpless during that moment we are not there. So, the frustration and the problem becomes the teachable moment.
Role Playing is one of the greatest tools you have for helping your child learn to resolve conflicts (of any sort). If you don't know what the conflict is, you can role-play or pretend play with your child by letting him take the lead. Perhaps he could pretend to be the teacher and you are a child in the class, or let him be whoever he likes. Ask the child what you should do and let them direct the play. See if the play leads to understanding what a conflict might be.
Once or if you know what the conflict is, then you can set up a role-play to demonstrate the possible responses. Simply talking about what a child can do can be helpful but it's not nearly as effective as when a child sees something acted out. You can enlist older siblings or other family members to help or you can role-play directly with your child. The key is to act out the conflict your child has experienced and then demonstrate the appropriate response (or responses) your child could have.
For example, let's use the scenario of a child being upset that another child has taken his toy. Two adults (or older children) can pretend to act out the scenario:
Adult 1 takes toy from Adult 2 and begins to play with it.
Adult 2 shows a sad and frustrated face and exclaims: I am so angry, he/she took my toy! (looking at the child) What can I do??
See if the child has any ideas, and if not, show what you might do.
Adult 2 taps on Adult 1's shoulder and says: I was playing with that, you need to give that back to me. Can I help you find something else to play with?
Adult 2 gives the toy back or does something else...
The scenarios can continue like that. Show the child different examples of how the other person might react and how to handle it. Let's say Adult 1 gets mad and refuses, then Adult 2 can show the child how to resolve that situation (get a teacher or bring another object to entertain the child, for example). Adult 2 might even say "that's okay, you can have that, I can find something else." That's okay, too. Then give your child a chance to play Adult 2's role. Have Adult 1 take the toy and see what your child chooses to do. Older children will be particularly understand of this as they often run into much more complex social situations. They will probably be much more participatory in giving ideas or possibilities.
The idea is that we empower children to know what to do in a scenario they have not encountered before. Encourage your child by letting them know that you can "play" anything with them to help them learn what to do and work out problems. They'll love it, because, you're not just helping them solve problems, your playing with them, too. Remember, though, learning these skills takes time and repetition. Children have to continually practice these skills before they become engrained. But even if the frustration is not immediately gone, the start of empowerment has very much begun.
No comments:
Post a Comment