Teacher Highlights: A Child In Transition

This highlight was written by:

Minaxi Punjabi, Lead Teacher of the Half-Day Toddler Program at Fiore Montessori

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.  

~Author Unknown

For a toddler child who is in school five days a week, I have noticed that it takes a minimum of 4 to 5 weeks for them to meaningfully engage and for the beginning of the consideration that the school environment is inclusive to and an extension of their "life." Before this realization, they explore and engage mostly out of curiosity rather than approach activity as real work from which they derive fulfillment.  At this developmental stage, their unconscious mind (the instinctive mind which absorbs experiences rather than the conscious mind which directs activity) and inner impulses respond when they interact with the material. 

It is useful to remember the child needs regular, routine exposure to a certain norm, routine, culture, or environment before they become comfortable with it.  Previously, whenever the child has adapted to a new experience, he has done so while in the presence of certain adult care givers (those adults the child has associated with his ability to survive) and so we cannot forget the "power" of the presence those adults have in the unconscious psyche of the child.

Now that the child has set his foot out into world that is his own, the more the child is aware of the physical separation between the adults in his life and himself, and the more the child will "sense" the absence of the adult.  The physical separation becomes an event.  How the child articulates and relates to this event depends on many factors, including whether the child has begun the developmental process of interpreting past, present and future (and the connotation it holds for the child).  

The child gradually adapts and secures himself to this new knowledge through exploration and articulation.  Before a new secure attachment can form, the child may express his discomfort for the unknown and long to go back into the security of the known.  Some children may do so quietly through distant observation while others may be vocal with crying or even clingy behavior. 

A few strategies that can help the child in transition… 

• It is healthy to allow the children to communicate (even if that means tears are involved) and provide them with words. Words like (when the child is approaching the car and is breaking down into tears): "I hear you crying. It seems to me, you are relieved to see me. I am back to pick you up like I had said."  When we take the children from you, you might hear us acknowledge their feelings by using words that label their emotions, such as "confused," "anxious," "missing mommy," etc.  Using vocabulary helps children associate language as an appropriate tool to communicate and acknowledge their present state (ultimately, allowing them to one day replace crying with words).
• These transitional days and routines are for many (children), their first experience of something that they have no previous paradigm to.  For those children it is like taking them to an alien country with people and customs of which they have no idea of what to expect next of. Keeping this in mind, we accept their tears with a joyous attitude and recommend you announce your faith in their going to school, by using words that bring them a sense of true comfort.  I looked up synonyms of faith and following are some of the words I came up with interestingly: acceptance, allegiance, assurance, belief, certainty, confidence, constancy, and convinction.  Take a moment or two to think of these cues and while preparing yourself and the children for the most (possible) comforting drop off and pick up routine.
• Maintain routines as much as possible during the transition time. 
• The children get exhausted and tired more than usual in the initial school day transition, and though may seem active, a relative quiet and slow paced evening will go a long way in preparing them for a better day ahead at school the next day.
• Communicate with the school of any changes taking place at home, such as a parent's business travel, an important adult missing from the landscape of family life due to work or other personal commitments, or any other kind of stresses any family members might be going through (work, health, new baby).  These changes have an impact on the child, and so, if the teacher is aware of them, she can make a remarkably positive contribution to helping the child deal with these situations.
• If a child is unwell the discomfort of adjusting to a new environment becomes a bigger challenge. It is important for a child to get ample of rest and hence in that case, it is ok for the child to take a day off and come back to when their bodies can take more stress.   

In the Montessori classroom, we respect the various stages of development in the child and deeply honor the (difficult) choices families have to make for the sake of their children.  If, as adults, we believe that sending them to school is an important milestone in the life of the parent-child relationship and child development, then as the responsible adult we must also have faith in the child and the work they are capable of, that with the help of prepared environment and prepared adults, the child will manifest to it's fullest potential.